During the holidays, I visited my mother, who has recently entered hospice. She is in the late stages of Parkinson’s disease. Seeing her in her current physical condition had a visceral impact on me. I felt it deep in my gut. My sister hung up a picture of our mom as a bride; she was stunning. So much life happened between that picture on the wall and her presence before me. I witnessed the realities of aging. Suddenly, the moment gained so much more significance. I felt the fear washing over me. The moment was overwhelming my senses. It seemed to be slipping away. My mom was starting to fade.
This fear surfaced and intensified my awareness of her presence. I had to concentrate on the fact that my mom was still here, right now. I see her presence. I feel her presence. I could sense a lifetime of love in her brief moments of clarity. I needed to confront the fear and not allow it to take the lead. I had to learn to soften it to experience the moment fully. As my heart returned to the present, I could genuinely appreciate my time with my mom during this visit.
After returning home from all my travels, I watched the film titled The Substance. The movie has garnered attention with the upcoming awards season. It is somewhat controversial as it falls into the body horror genre and explores the aging process. The timing was intriguing since I had just experienced some eye-opening moments regarding aging while with my mom. The film's premise centers around an aging starlet named Elisabeth, played by Demi Moore, who is famous for her aerobics show. She suffers a blow on her 50th birthday when her boss fires her. After surviving a potentially fatal car accident, a young nurse gives her a USB stick called The Substance. This substance promises to transform her into an enhanced version of herself. The catch is that you must share. You experience one week as your younger, more vibrant self, followed by one week back to your current self. It’s about finding the balance. The younger self takes her spot on the aerobics show, creating a compelling dilemma and competition between the older and younger selves, revealing the tensions of time.
It made me reflect on why we place such importance on youth and beauty. Are we afraid of the time in life when things begin to change? Does our mind contribute more to this fear than the reality of the present moment? Does the fact that we are all replaceable cloud our sense of contentment? I realized we are all replaceable after losing my position as a studio executive and being replaced. Trying to cling to our youth is not the solution. Does the evolution of beauty alter who we are? I am in a similar phase of life with the aging process; I often ponder what it would be like to be my younger self with my current wisdom. Would it transform your life? We have all contemplated this idea. This concept of The Substance was a vivid realization.
While I wished for a deeper exploration of Elisabeth’s reasons for choosing The Substance and how women today are confronting the aging process, I found the perspective of the writer/director, Coralie Fargeat, to be clear and persuasive. The message that our fear and obsession with outward beauty can turn us into monsters resonated with me. It lingered in my mind, provoked my thoughts, and awakened me. The only substance we need is our acceptance of the present moment as it is.
Jen, thank you for a thoughtful and powerful personal essay connecting back to your reading of a film I haven't yet seen but hope to soon.
Much to say in response...and I'm just thinking here...so forgive me if it seems like I'm stating anything that you already are very well aware of.
I think about this subject often...Time is this thing that we think we have some control over but it actually has complete control over us. It is the 4th dimension through which we measure physical changes (including the breakdown of our own bodies). We can't stop or change it, even with all the things we try to slow it down with.
I think - from my own experience - seeing a parent age, become ill and suffer - is how we confront our own mortality. To refuse to accept it hinders the process of accepting our fate as living beings. Losing them and having to let go of their presence in the physical realm forces us to realize that we will also one day face our own end. It really forced me to be far more present in my own life.
Thank you for your wise perspective and encouraging words for so many, Jen. Wishing you and yours a positive and enjoyable New Year. Pamela Jaye